Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Testimony of Randy Khoo

What I say here is my story. Others in my Church may have experienced their Christian lives differently. Mine is just not the same as theirs. I’ve felt that I’ve come as closed as an inch of Hell. Now God has opened my eyes to His grace and peace – and I’m set free from everything that has made me a depressed person in the past!

This story is just simply stating how from the place I grew up in, God has now led me to newer things that I find (like the new wine) cannot be contained in the old wine anymore.

May you find yourself highly favoured, richly blessed and deeply loved by Christ in reading this testimony of mine.

BTW, if you do see yourself in my shoes, I would be more than happy to sit down with you and share the truth I have discover.


My name is Randy and I attend XXXXXXX. I accepted Christ in 2000. When I became a Christian, I didn’t completely understand what he did for me on the Cross. I just know that I needed Him. That with Him is where I wanna be. That He died on the cross for my sins. Despite that nobody took the pain to spell out what the Full Gospel was about. Everyone just ASSUMED that I will know.

I’ve been brought up in XXXXX to be constantly serving. And I’ve been told from day one to do that. That to show my faith is real, I must have deeds. That faith without deeds is dead. To be fair, I’ve been in almost all position of leadership in my youth. I’ve been a committee, an assistant commander, a commander, a mentor and an assistant teacher.

Even then, I did not feel led by God. I’m told, if I’m called into a leadership position, I’m called by God and it’s such a big privilege to serve as ‘I don’t have the same opportunities’ in bigger Churches. Church leaders say that to fight the battle against the flesh, we gotta be constantly making ourselves busy.

Instead of feeling gratitude, I felt like a burden was put on my shoulders. Like the souls of youths cast as my responsibility without me knowing where to find the answers to begin with. And it didn’t help that I was too shy to ask and that I should work out my salvation (by serving) in fear and trembling. And it’s always been scary how God was NEVER as close to me as I hoped for. I donno what He sounds like, I donno what He wants me to do, I’ve never felt like anything I did was His will.

Everything I did within the 4 walls was what people told me I should do.

Yes, I know Him from scriptures. I know what the Bible says of Him, but I’ve never felt that He spoke at all in life. Deep inside I was dissatisfied. I wanted the real thing. I wanted to know what He needs me to do, but all I received from my fellow seniors were nothing more than a ‘to do list’ (or at least it did feel like that to me).

I was told that I had to read my Bible every day. To pray every day. To serve in ministries. Deep inside I did not feel blest. I felt like the only purpose of going to church was my duties –and that too stopped me from walking out. That did not help as a leader of the Church breathed viperously against people who leave.

I can say I knew a bit of theology. I knew TULIP. I knew Calvinism and Arminianism. I’m even the best student in class for many years! But I did not know nor experience the depth, width and height of Jesus’ love. At that point of time, I could only blame myself as I thought I did not persevere enough.

I’ve tried living such high ‘holy’ standards as ‘exhibited’ by my fellow Christians, only to meet with failure in my own life.

It was like I was abound by contract to be a Shepherd, but I had nothing to offer the sheep as I was myself starved.

I was tired and have become sick of serving, serving and serving. If I was with Joshua on the mountain when he challenged the people, I would have said serving God was the undesirable thing for me. Deep inside I felt unworthy to serve, and there were better people to do what is required. “So why bother?” became my attitude. I just felt that nothing I do could be good enough to please anyone, especially not God.

Hence, I gave up and did not even bother trying.

In 2007, I was as far away as I can be and became involved in many forbidden things. I got in multilevel marketing and they jumped on the hype of ‘The Secret’ at that time. After a painful breakup in 2008, I got further involved in NLP and Hypnosis.

I wrecked my career, and I came to the point of becoming a Satanist because I was fedup with God, and the trials that I face in my life. I had had enough of it. I’ve even research online how to make a pact with the Devil and even drafted out what I would ask from the evil one.

But thank be to God that He is faithful and His Spirit has kept me from doing anything foolish!
I remember the night that I meant to make the pact, I stopped and decided to give God one last try.

I tried living right again by serving, with little success. And I went back into the same old routine that made me a bitter and unhappy man. By this point I was disinterested in everything ‘Church’ and I felt that I’ve been living with masks on.

Recently, a dear brother shared with me what he has discovered about the Grace of God and passed me sermons from Pastor Joseph Prince. At first I was doubtful. But I listened anyway about the Grace of God and today my life has never been the same.

Everyday, I’m filled with God’s love. Even when I sin! Never has my heart experience such joy ever as a Christian! When I open the Bible, the message that I receive is clear and sharp – unlike before! And almost everyday, I receive new and fresh revelation from the Bible or Creation that I’ve never seen before! Some of the wrong teachings that have been passed down to me, has also been made clear!

The passages that I’ve avoided in the past and struggled with, now I understand. It’s as though the Bible has come alive! I’ve also been freed from the guilty conscience that has weight me down! Praise the Lord!

Today when I open the Bible, I see Jesus in every page! Amen!

Having discovered for myself what this Grace we have in Jesus Christ has given me new life and has renewed my mind. Unto Him be Glory forever and ever! I’m a changed man! Amen.”

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